Do you feel you belong?

Do you know who you are?
Did you ask yourself this question ten years ago?
Do you remember your answers?
I do. I also remember promising myself to not go through experiences that I feel I don't belong.
But where do I belong?
Nowhere maybe. Not a place. Maybe there are some phenomena that I belong to, people that understand me, see me, MY SOUL...

Is it important what one looks like?
Did you ever think how it is for a person to know how she is perceived by you, without you truly knowing her? Is it painful?
Maybe it is a relief. It sets her free.
This way she can experience anything that she wants, knowing the truth of every experience that she goes through, and she would not limit my herself with the boundaries of others' and experience her being freely within her own boundaries, her way.

You cannot feel like yourself where you don't belong. You feel your true self where you belong, do you know where that is?

EVRİLMEK.

Evrilmek... evrimleşmek... Ne demek? GERÇEKTEN ne demek?

Geçen yıla kadar bunu derinlemesine düşünmeye başlamamıştım. Kafamın bir köşesinde sadece Darwin'in "güçlü olan hayatta kalır" sözü vardı. Peki güçlü olmak ne demek? Başkaları üzerinde hak idda etmek mi? Sana saldırırlarsa öyle bir fiziksel güçte olmak ki silahınla karşısındakinin hayatını bir hamlede sona erdirmek mi?

Eğer öyle olsaydı insan formundaki canlıların gittikçe daha kaba fiziksel bir varlığa dönüşmesi gerekmez miydi? Halbuki biz gittikçe narinleşiyoruz, ellerimiz, parmaklarımız inceliyor, bedenimiz küçülüyor, kollarımız, bacaklarımız da aynı şekilde. -Evrim düzleminde neanderthal, sapiens, homosapens olarak düşünürseniz, gittikçe bedenlerimiz narinleşiyor.-

Evrimden bahsettiğinizde biyolojik bir faktörü olması gerekir, genetik bir ifadesinin olması gerekir. Peki, bedenlerimiz küçülüyor da organlarımıza neler oluyor? Sadece beyin olarak düşünmeyin, karaciğerimize, böbreklerimize, bağırsaklarımıza ne oluyor?

Bence evrim, bedenimiz hassaslaşırken ruhumuzun güçlenmesi, zekamızın sivrilmesidir.

Evrim sizce nedir?

Hormones versus Intelligence

As we all know, eating and mating are two of our primary needs. Dopamine is secreted in the brain that acts as a reward when we eat and mate, it is a neurotransmitter that exists in our brains and guts.
Rather than eating and mating, is there anything else that gives us dopamine?

It is a known fact that, for an organism to survive, it needs to reproduce and instinctively we know that we need our genes to survive and that is why we eat and have sex. So far, this is a known basic idea but all animals do these things, what makes us different? It seems to me that evolution has come to a level that made this a built in intelligent mechanism. (Even thought I am not certain about the intelligence factor.) If we constantly take care of our basic needs, how are we going to evolve in our minds? I take into consideration that our brains are very much capable of multitasking. But, if there is a constant fight inside our skulls, is there ever winning?

Your 'Meant to Be'

You think that you have been late to do whatever you wanted to do with your life.

If you went to law school earlier in your life, you would have been a great attorney by now, you have all the right qualifications to be so: a great decision-maker and a fast one, a person with guts and a great memory.

If you only had started to study science at the right time of your life you would have gone to medical school. By now, you could have been a neurologist, and a very good one.

Probably you would be all the things you thought you'd be and also a perfect fit. 

Yes, people did not warn you at the right moment to become all those things, and you now think that it is too late to go back and start all over.

Maybe it is. (There is also the possibility that it is not too late, possibilities are only blocked in your mind, reality is only created by your challenges.)

But, there is something that you are meant to be and all of those 'wrong things' that made you be where you are today will make you an even better innovator in life.

If you had became a neurologist you could have made the right diagnostics and helped people to become healthy again, ease them out of pain. 

You would also fit in so well that you would not have the opportunity to become who you are.

Former generation professions are going to be extinguished from history very soon. (It is still relevant to be a great lawyer, but not by itself; neurologists are needed very much but can I make my point clear?)

Be an innovator of your life so that you can become one for others.

There is not one way of knowing what is real.

Do we have to make a distinction between what is scientific and what is religious?

One professor that inspires me a lot once told his students never to underestimate their observations of nature and never to throw away intuitions with regard to scientific inquiries. I never heared of a scientist using the word 'intuition' before, it does not appear commonly.

There appears to be a clean line between science and religion. Why is that? Is it because the nature of both entities claim to have their roots of reality stemmed from different universes?

Thinking about my experiences as a former yoga trainee, I remember that I used to believe everything had a spiritual cause that cannot be explained physically. I had no experience in science and I did not even read the popular science magazines. I only believed in dedication, but mainly I was running away to build a life for myself that was protected in some way. I don't claim that yogis are religious people that run away from the facts of life but I believe that there is an extension of yoga that ties itself to religious practices which is the common understanding that there is an energy in life which cannot be explained or controlled. This understanding of God is one aspect of life that divides people into one of the two main categories: believers who feel and sense verus nonbelievers who observe and articulate.

There is one another category that bases itself in scientific facts. If an entity is not observable -obviously not only by our senses because we need intelligent machines to observe things we cannot see or sense in any way- it does not exist. Challenging and safe as it may be -safe in terms of the only unknown being unfound scientific inquiries that are not beyond your control- it is also limited with the imaginable.

Why is the two categories so distinct? Why do people have to or want to choose one or the other? If you are a religious person, do you have to be a stereotype? If you are a scientist, do you have to be black or white? Sometimes what can lead to a scientific discovery may stem from a gut feeling that you have to observe certain phenomenon. The means are scientific but what lead to you research on the subject may not be scientific.

There are two problems of this distinction. One is that religion -the sense of God- is strictly in the hands of people that essentially do not believe in this energy and distribute it in a misleading way (e.g. how religion it is used in politics for voting purposes). The second issue is, science is only understood by few people who elaborately study it, it is a closed door for the public. Think about this issue being the same with health problems, because we don't know the human physiology very well, we have to rely on the doctors that they will treat us well as "we have no choice". What we could do actually is to change the education system so that everybody knows the basic human physiology very well -not high-school-passing-grade-well so that we won't have to rely on doctors one hundred percent. The same goes for any type of scientific research conducted. We can know science to a certain extent so the doors are not shut down when we choose to be a journalist, an English teacher,...

My point is, the essence of reality is not black and white, it seems.

---

Highly recommended movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2884206/?ref_=nv_wl_img_3

Pain.

Some many artists claim that they channel their pain through their songs, books, writings and create a positive outcome with it. You can find yourself in their creations, say to yourself that they interpret your emotions. This sharing can also bring relief. The relief for both the artist that he/she is being understood and the listener, reader that someone else is sharing their emotions.

There are also other people who enjoy the misery and carry pain inside. That's a choice and who am I to judge.

As much as I appreciate the state of being (interaction between the artists and their listener/reader), I am more curious about what happens to other people when they cannot channel their pain this way.

It is claimed by many scientists that human animals are inherently social. Everything that I wrote here supports the hypothesis. And I think that if you have read the writing until this part, you agree with me because somehow you can relate to it.

Have you ever thought of the pain of an autistic kid that went unrecognised? He is going through life trying to form social bonds without having no clues as to how others feel and think. Now who is to say that each and every one of us do not have such a pain buried inside but afraid to share.

It is called vulnerability.

Is your survival index costing you your freedom?

Some of the concepts in life seems very easy to understand. Take 'wanting' into account, it takes thought and action. If you already want something, you are motivated to do it anyway.

Most of the times, except the major changes in your life, that motivation to do the wildest things you want to do in life declines because daily life requires you to do mundane things just to survive. -If you think about it, you need money, to eat, have a shelter, cover yourself with clothes, furniture, travel, and the list goes on. Basic needs can depend on your socioeconomic status- So survival does not mean just breathing, eating, having sex anymore because we adapted our lives with different cultures all over the world. And this survival is everything but basic needs now.

I return back to the concept of wanting. How have you adapted your life to repress your most inner cravings in order to survive in your daily life? Maybe you have hidden yourself because you fear experiencing something bitter? Cause simply, not many people escape happiness and joy.

Are you really sure that all you want is to survive?

Pain versus Hunger

I get it now.

All those times that I felt pain were the most precious gifts of life. 
Think about it, what does pain do to you? Imagine it as a physical reality. When you are wounded, you start looking for help and try to find something to cure the wound.

What do you do when you are hungry? How do you pleasure yourself with food when you are reasonably hungry -as if you know that you have the money for dinner when you are eating lunch-?

Now try to look at it from an emotional perspective. Pain makes you search for deeper questions about yourself and about existence, if you are clever enough and if you have not been abused and manipulated by the mass media productions which mainly say that romantic love is all that you can get, you will find an endless love in the end but somehow you will not be together and cry that you both love each other but cannot be together because of socio-economical or  class related or I don't know-whatever-bullshit-was-presented related topics. But, that is possible for the questioning mind to understand that that is not how it goes in the real world!!! And here, I don't mean to say that we believe in hollywood endings, I say that we believe in romanticised sad love stories where in the end the antagonist is left hungry for love. Oh I just want to slap you on the face. 

What I mean to say is that, when you are in pain, you have more time to be with yourself and understand what is going on inside you; versus when you are hungry, you have more time, actually you spend more time, to be with the other and try to get something out from a source that does not belong to you. In other words you are paving a way that does not have a root in you.

Pain brings you back to life versus hunger brings you to places that you would never actually go. I prefer pain cause I prefer waking up -every time- from the illusive world that we live in.

Does loneliness scare you?

One’s loneliness cannot be experienced as any other feeling cannot be experienced by others. But, loneliness is very special in itself, because not many people are strong enough to go through the whole process since the road is very long to go by yourself, there are no guarantees. People are afraid of something that is connected to them from the core. It is only funny that we are born that way.

One of my teachers once told me, the first question a baby asks to himself is: “Am I safe in this world?” So the main attachment to this world comes from the feeling of safety and it is determined through other people.

Well, we grow up and we do it rather painfully. Minor events in one’s life are the punches of life to make you stronger, to make you a better version, to make you more human, more feminine, more masculine, makes you whatever you have decided to be when you chose the red pill.

Being yourself is the most painful thing one can go through and that is why loneliness is almost impossible to be understood by others. It seems like you are the cause of your own pain, it looks like that from afar. You pay the highest prices for this and it makes you MORE…

Now admit to yourself, are you scared?

The difference between life beating you up and you beating yourself is that when life beats you, it is for you to be perfect, it is a support, you can either choose to be pushed by it or lie down on the floor and take the punches; when you beat yourself up you simply feel smaller. You know the difference!

“This is your life and it is ending one minute at a time. If this is your fight, you have to fight.” ~ Fight Club

The end is the beginning

How do you define your boundaries and your limits of freedom, considering that even the most liberating ideologies have constraints?

Human beings are defined by the structures they are surrounded with; their thoughts, bodies, culture and well, the earth, since beyond the atmosphere is no place for a human to survive, yet.

What is more, the limit of your freedom ends when not only the physical boundaries of another person begins but also, more astonishingly, when the psychological boundaries of another begins.
I find this surprising because human psychology is more solid than matter, more tough than the human body and indistinguishable by those who do not know how to see what they look at.

Only "I" can tell you where you should stop! The limits of your freedom end when the boundaries of another begins. Know them well! 

A Moment of Darkness

Most probably you have seen many movies in which people completely loose control and turn into psychopaths. While watching the movie, you felt shocked and stress hormones rushed through your body. But, because the experiencer was not you, your prefrontal cortex, that is the reasoning part of your brain, was activated and you judged the event as being catastrophic. You did not want to imagine yourself in a psychopath's shoes because empathy means activating what's inside his mind, inside yours.

Here is a question just for you: Did you ever find yourself in a situation that you would never imagine yourself being in? In fact, life is all about moments like those. Why? Because if you predict everything that is going to happen in your life, there is no room for transformation and change.
Do not mistake these two words as intangible entities, they are very real if you choose to experience your emotions in a broader spectrum.

Here's the thing, if your decision is to experience life in the fullest sense, you are going to have to experience moments of darkness, and lots of it. But it is no big deal. Think about how refreshing it feels afterwards. You are not the same person anymore. With this perspective no one around you is the same. It is like entering into a different dimension.

Wellcome! 

Being Naked in the Eye of the Observer

If your perception towards the same person changes over time, what do you consider as real, where is your anchor point based?
-In this writing, I consider real as a stable view of the same entity over time. I know that it is impossible but bear with me for a second!-

Do you consider yourself to be one of those people that makes "correct" observations -judgements- of the people around you? Then how do you come to one specific conclusion, considering that your judgement changes over time, because your perception over time, even the things that you consider as solid aspects of your self such as your senses -probably the most unreliable aspects by the way- perceive differently at different times?

I have always have had a gut feeling that, when I meet someone, or see them for the first time or even hear about them for the first time, I have an instant rush of activity - if it is a rush, it has to occur in the brain and the feeling is like an hormonal -neuroendocrinal- change in my system- Possibly, I am not the only person experiencing this high pitch that later turns into stream of words. I also believe that this rush always tells me about the real aspects of the person that I have observed.

There are also instances where I am proven wrong! And I say to myself: "Now how is this possible, I am never wrong!" -Notice the exclamation point, no questions asked-

The reason for my deflected thought is that, obviously I was deprived of certain experiences and I have tuned my perception to what I want to see rather than what there actually is. -A bias or possibly expectation priming?-

What is my cure?

Well, the meaning of existence for me is what I become after processing the information I get whether it is knowledge based or experience based -Every breath you take changes you, let alone what you experience or learn-

Now, if you think that you can fool someone after the physiological response that you have created in their system, you are mistaken! Because you are naked in the eye of the observer.

Of course one might ask: Are we merely making attributions?
In that case, is anything real?

The Evolutionary Gap

Descartes had claimed that what makes us different than animals is, us having a mind. He also said that humans had mental abilities such as the capacity to wonder, curiosity, imitation, attention, memory, reasoning, and aesthetic sensibility. (Domjan, The Principles of Learning and Behavior, 2008) Darwin claimed that human mind is a product of evolution. In search of intelligence in animals, scientists made several attempts after these claims.

   There are some aspects of human behavior that separates humans from nonhuman animals. However, the issue depends on how we define intelligence. Nonhuman animals also have the capacity to make decisions, but based on what? Humans decide to choose to do something, whereas nonhumans decisions are made by their instincts, which means that the actions are predetermined.
Humans acquire language, but nonhumans learn it to some extent. -By language I mean human language, not nonhuman animal communication-

   Let's look at this idea from a Darwinian perspective. He believed that human mind was a product of evolution. It does not matter for how long we have been living on this planet but we all have been living together in it for quite some time. What made our evolution faster than nonhumans so that we have a mind and they don't, looking from the perspective of Descartes? Are we here to learn and they to enjoy? -I choose to leave aside the ethical issues in this writing, it is an entirely different subject to discuss- Our brains have prefrontal cortex to make decisions and reason, so does mammals but not other animals.

So why don't they operate in the way that we do, why is there still a wide gap between our evolutionary state and theirs, because both human and nonhuman animals have intelligence that come from instincts?

Beyond What is Going On

I've been thinking... Since the beginning of the Gezi Park events, there is a huge energy explosion and I think that this time we are able to see the flotations.

I have always wondered why there weren't more "awake" people around, why more people aren't more curious of what is going on around the world, inside their worlds, within the universe, outside the universe, why people did not care about seeing beyond the visible without loosing the connection with the visible. The answer I got was: "People are in different states of their own evolution." However, this answer did not suffice and the question probed my mind every now and then.

Yesterday I read a book that completed this thought. I concluded that every state of being completes each other because they are all linked together. Right now there is a pyramid of states of existence and if there wasn't a "solid ground" for our being, we would have collapsed. We need every state and we need it together. The broken part is that we think that we are separate. If you hold one hand and build a bridge, no one will think of you as the enemy.

A New Book: "Fi" by Akilah

So far in my life, I have read one novel that shook me up and made me feel upset because it had to end. It changed my life and my perspective on how I see and observe human beings and categorize them in an objective manner. It has been almost nine years since I finished it. To be honest, I have had some good reads but not great.

Last year, a person who has a great place in my heart, who also had introduced me to my favorite book, has written one herself. And I swear by my heart, I am not making any exceptions here when I say hers is the most intriguing book I have read since then. The book is called "Fi", derived from the Fibonacci series which present the beauty in nature that are found in a series of numbers: 1.618...

The fictional book "Fi"s story is about a well-known psychologist who is shaken by a beauty, a one that can be as perfect as fi...

I don't want to spoil it for you, if you want to buy it, the book will be available in bookstores starting from 05.06.2013 and currently available on idefix.com.

I know that I have some followers who continuously read my things, but I do not have a direct contact with any one of you. So if you like my writings and think that they light up something in you, or touch you somehow, I assure you that you will love this book.

http://www.akilah.co/ 
https://www.facebook.com/Fi.Akilah
https://twitter.com/AkilahFi

Notice how technology is advancing and the instincts are being disregarded. Who is to say that we will not be thirsty for our freedom as we are to scientific advancement today?

I love science because it gives me the opportunity to understand more of what is in nature and gives me answers to questions like: "What gives the blood its color?" or "What makes us human?" I am a huge enthusiast of new technology that enables us to see the smallest particles, analyze how water possibly came to our planet and many things that I can catch up with. Also, I always think that everyone must have a fundamental knowledge of science because it gives us awareness. But in order to be able to process the knowledge in a philosophical way; we need to have the critical thinking ability in the first place. Knowledge is nothing when the means to gain it is evil or if the source is coming from ignorance, because it means that one will acquire the information for a means and that means it to take control over. I am not saying that one should not have a purpose, since existance is purpose but if you try to extort something out of a source, you disrupt its balance. Besides, any self-respecting entity would now that, in order to exist, you need to be and not to have.

 ~ Fringe 5th Season inspiration. 

Possible Impossibilities

We are made to believe that we can make the possible impossible, but we are capable of making the impossible possible. However, the advertisements say: "Impossible is nothing." Do you see how we run to get what we think we want? Let me explain: When we think of something that seems possible, our brains actually create a visual image of the desire. Neuroscientists say that there is an 18 percent difference between actually doing something and imagining it. This means that the same neurotransmitters in the brain are activated during both processes. So when we think about something, it is because we have the desire to experience it and also the capability to imagine it, therefore the possibility lies before us. What is it that you want to experience? Is it something that seems far or close? Who tells you whether you can do it or not? There is an undeniable entity that tells you exactly what you have to do: Advertisements. It tells you that "Impossible is nothing" so you start running, but where to? It seems like there is a paradox but there isn't. The subtle difference is your self-awareness about what you want and who you are rather than what they make you want and who you think you are.

Becoming Inured to Knowledge

Kids are always excited about acquiring new knowledge no matter the subject. But because of the way we are taught, we inescapably become robotic and perceive subjects mostly as a way of making money rather than fully enjoying them. However, there are some people out there that had the chance to keep their minds open and continue to suck the knowledge in and be true scientists, musicians, writers... Inevitably, these people become very good at what they do in early ages. Some interesting facts that awaken -new comers of knowledge- don't interest these people anymore. The fire that starts so early maybe burns them out. Is this any different than the case of the ignorant? In one end of the continuum there is a raw intelligence and on the other end there is a consumed one. No matter how suitable you are, for becoming one or the other, you need to have balance in order to maintain a healthy mind. I have complete faith in people who know themselves and their boundaries, for they are the ones who will set examples, not prototypes. 

On Wasting

It is obvious that what makes us different from animals is our consciousness. Do all humans have it at the same wavelength? Here is how we can differentiate: How much are you controlled by your emotions? Emotions are the way we experience the world around us with more depth but if we are controlled by them we are clearly not using our intelligence that separates us from other species. In fact, because our evolution is happening so fast, one might be left at the other end of human evolution continuum, acting like our ancestors, like homo habilis... I am not an expert of human evolution timeline but I know that there are primitive emotions that are identified by psychologists that we are all aware of. Many of the psychologists name them differently but here is how psychoanalyst Paul Ekman named them; anger, fear, sadness, disgust, happiness, surprise, contempt. The reason that I wanted to show these is simply because they are primitive. If we experience more complex ones, it means that we are more developed, more complex creatures. Experiencing wider range of emotions certainly gives us richness because we are then able to become more aware of ourselves. And it needs more capability to condition oneself or observe the effects as soon as they present themselves. But the main and more significant issue is; how much of your life is ruled by them? How much time do you spend on "feeling" rather than experiencing and observing at the same instant? For me, letting yourself dwell in these is a waste. I am definitely not depreciating love, as it is what all life comes from but I am trying to show that in the road of creating yourself -which never stops- nothing should ever get in your way. 

If you observe every experience you live when you are in it, the way you perceive the experience will change.